Table-side Manner

Unable to travel to the Midwest to visit her family for the holiday, I invited a professional acquaintance, Sally, to a Thanksgiving dinner that I was hosting at my home for family and friends. Sally accepted the invitation, and asked if she could bring her “to die for” seven-layer dip appetizer.

As meal time arrived, my home was bustling with guest arrivals, last minute tweaks to prepared food dishes, and my dogs bouncing off the walls with the influx in household activity–but no Sally.

Twenty minutes passed and I started to wonder whether Sally was having difficulty finding my home, so I phoned her. No answer. Another 30 minutes passed and the doorbell rang, it was Sally. She whizzed past me in search of the kitchen with practically no greeting or explanation for her tardiness. By that time, cocktail hour was over and we were mere minutes away from sitting down for dinner.

Sally was anxious to meet everyone, or so it appeared. She worked the room, asking lots of questions and learning how everyone was connected. She was skilled at posing a question and then turning the attention back on herself. In her mind, she was the belle of the ball.

Once dinner was finished and before dessert was to be served, Sally announced to the group that she had to leave early as she had other commitments that evening. She quickly gathered her appetizer and rolled out the door. The group took a communal sigh of relief.

How many of us realize that our personal brands extend beyond our office life? With the start of the holiday season this week, remember that demonstrating proper etiquette can strengthen or weaken your personal brand.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

Don’t over-commit. In an effort to please everyone, many of us accept multiple invitations for the same holiday. The resulting havoc prevents us from enjoying quality time with loved ones. Instead, commit to a single event and refrain from changing plans when something more appealing presents itself.

Arrive/depart on-time. Most hosts set meal times to ensure food is properly served. Last minute changes can interrupt the cadence of a meal. Arriving on-time will ensure you don’t disturb the flow, especially if you’ve been assigned something that will be served prior to the meal, like an appetizer or specialty beverage.

When it comes time to leave, make your exit as quiet as possible as to avoid prompting others to think about leaving prematurely. Say a few quiet goodbyes to the people to whom you’ve been speaking and then to the host.

Bear gifts. It’s always a gracious gesture to present the host or hostess with a gift — flowers, a bottle of wine, or something that will have meaning to them. Keep it simple as to not distract from the event or cause a nuisance. If you forget to bring a gift, don’t apologize profusely for arriving empty handed — or worse, lie and give a sad excuse.

Be social. Jump-start conversations by sharing how you know the host or other people present. You can also ask others questions to uncover common interests, like an alma mater or, as embarrassing as it may be to admit, your fascination with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Phone the next day. It is always thoughtful to phone or write to say thank you afterwards.

Being the consummate guest will not only elevate your personal brand, but it will ensure you receive future invites.  Happy Holidays!

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