Don't be a Hater
Throughout September, controversy in the Entertainment Industry has centered on Chaz Bono as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars. Amid varying suggestions that spotlighting a transgendered individual during prime-time television programming would usher in Armageddon, I was impressed with the professional manner and decorum that Mr. Bono displayed (and continues to display) throughout the ordeal.
But, criticism toward those who are in pursuit of a better station in life isn’t exclusive to individuals in the limelight.
One of my dear friends, Sophia, is a successful businesswoman. She is smart, attractive, articulate, likeable, physically in great shape, and sought after professionally as a consultant by sophisticated organizations throughout the country. She is at the top of her game.
From time-to-time, Sophia shares with me what she perceives as negative feedback from others, mostly women. She is criticized for her appearance (professionally dressed to the nines with tailored suits, great coif, tasteful attention to hair, makeup and nails, etc.). She is criticized for her continued efforts toward professional development (she regularly attends seminars, is active in industry associations, and serves on boards for community-based organizations). And, she meets resistance when suggesting that the “status quo” isn’t good enough.
Ultimately, her personal brand is Excellence, and she demonstrates it in everything she does.
After a while, such criticism leads Sophia to second guess her personal branding strategy. Should she give weight to the criticism with the thought that her pursuit for excellence may be alienating some of her base? Or, should Sophia interpret such feedback as proof that she’s on the right track?
At some point during each of our pursuits (professionally focused or otherwise), we are sure to encounter the voice of dissention—individuals who are intimidated by our accomplishments, jealous of our success, and who lack the self-esteem and/or drive to better their situations.
My advice to Sophia, and to other professionals, is to listen to and consider all forms of verbal, non-verbal, and written feedback, but ultimately trust your own emotional intelligence (gut feeling). When met with opposition, seek the counsel of those you know who will provide you with honest and genuine feedback.
There will be times when a course correction is in order. Don’t be above reproach. Do whatever it takes to make the change.
In all other instances, simply hold your ground!
To paraphrase comedian Katt Williams, “If you don’t have haters, you’re doing something wrong. Go out and get yourself some!”
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Outstanding and balanced post, Jonathan — and you’ve touched on a truly critical issue. Too many people choose to improve their own self-esteem by trying to make sure that everyone else stays at their level, instead of seeing opportunities to rise to a new level. At what point did we conclude that it’s better to blend than to grow, and that we should be ashamed of excellence?
Another fantastic post Jonathan! It is especially prevelant for me because, just last night, I was “verbally assaulted” by a former client who had only bad things to say. He falls right into that ctegory of the voices of dissention. As you mention, getting honest feedback is the key to improvement.
One of my favorite quotes is : “Chase perfection- catch excellence”.
Shawn McCarthy
Yes! True perfection is a tall order. Consider “progress” over “perfection” as we are all works in progress 😉 Thanks for your insight!
From what you described Jonathan, I got that Sophia is deeply interested in playing full out, playing a bigger game, not only by presenting herself in the best physical light, but in her own personal and professional development.
I think you should introduce me to Sophia. She sounds like someone I would love to have as a colleague and friend
Thanks for a great post. It also ties to the topic I commented upon recently: authenticity. What’s most important in business and life is being true to your own values.
Great post Jonathan. I agree we should not stand by and allow others to openly criticize people we know and respect without saying something in support of that person and expressing our own opinions in their defense. I think you’ll find more often than not that the person dishing it out is simply trying to make themselves feel better by pointing out another person’s “differences”.
Brands are all about differentiation, and anyone with a strong brand is sure to stand out and be the target of some criticism – go for it! Be yourself and embrace your personal brand. You’ll be be much more in demand than the person that’s always critical. Be genuine to who you are and you’ll not only be much happier but more successful as well.
Thanks for reminding us all that there is a fine line between criticism and hate.
Once again, Jonathan, you are right on point. I often ask for critiques from those who’s opinion I value and trust. It is all part of personal and professional growth and when we stop learning and growing we die. However, when critique comes from those we don’t know well, or those who we know all too well,we have to stop, consider the source,hear what they say, but also consider the motives, whether in your best interests….or theirs. Thanks again for another amazing post!
You bring up an excellent point, Karen. Sometimes we surround ourselves with people who will tell us we’re fabulous, even when we’re not. We also have to be aware of those individuals as they aren’t providing a service to our personal brands. We see this all the time with celebrities and politicians—high-profile individuals who surround themselves with “yes” fans!
Great questions. No easy answers.
Most of us admire people who can be positive role models for us. But after a while some of us (including me) can also feel insecure and even a little bitchy around someone who is “always perfect.”
I don’t know Sophia, but from your description of her, I wonder if she spends her time in the public eye being Ms. look-at-me-I’m-so-winning or is she sincerely interested in others, not constantly talking or offering advice but ‘listening louder’ (as my husband says) to others’ perspectives?
Does she work overtime to give her public (and even her confidantes) the impression that her own challenges are overcome by ‘simple perseverance’ (ugh), that others could experience this happiness too if they just adopted her ways? Does she ever hint to her clients, prospects and even confidantes that she also is perplexed by life’s large and little events?
Where physical beauty is concerned, it’s not perfection that we admire — but the little flaws that make us appreciate the beauty that is visible. Perhaps Sophia just needs to get real.
All great comments. I get the sense that Sophia is more interested in “controlling what she has the ability to control” than trying to appear perfect or “better-than” those around her. She’s truly a sincere person who genuinely looks for opportunities to add value.
There’s enough that surfaces that we don’t have control over that we strive to be the best at things we can.